Overseas

Photos of places I've never been.  Never seen.  Never traveled to.  Landmarks and buildings I have only see in pictures.  Rome, Italy, Amsterdam, France.  Places I've never been.  Heard stories though.  Seen pictures.  Someday I'll be telling the stories, showing the pictures.  Seeing the wonders first-hand.  Being able to describe every structure, tower, and arch.  Every monument, city, and street.  Someday I'll be able to afford a vacation.  Somewhere I can go and be a tourist, a traveler, sight-seer, and wayfarer.  Visitor and globetrotter.

Someday.

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New Books as of 02/13/10

New books from 02/01/10-02/13/10

• Tale of the Body Thief - Anne Rice
• Five People You Meet in Heaven - Mitch Albom
• Journals of Eleanor Druse: My Investigation of the Kingdom Hospital Incident - Eleanor Druse
• Fortune's Fool - Mercedes Lackey
• Book of the Dead - Douglas Preston
• Eckankar: Ancient Wisdom For Today - Todd Cramer
• Cirque du Freak: A Living Nightmare - Darren Shan
• United Studios of Self Defense Student Manual - Charles Manterra
• Knife of Dreams - Robert Jordan
• Tales of Mystery and Imagination - Edgar Allen Poe
• Revolution in World Ministries - K.P. Yohannan
• Cancer - Julia Parker
• Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil - John Berendt
• Memoirs of a Geisha: A Novel - Arthur Golden
• Nights in Rodanthe - Nicholas Sparks
• Deptford Trilogy - Robertson Davies
• Philosophy of Religion; an Introduction - William H. Capitan
• Into a Dark Realm - Raymond E. Feist
• Murder in LaMut - Raymond E. Feist
• Mostly Harmless - Douglas Adams
• White Night - Jim Butcher
• Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul - Douglas Adams
• Circle of the Moon - Barbara Hambly
• Walk to Remember - Nicholas Sparks
• Handbook to Literature - C. Hugh Holman
• Psychoanalysis and Psychotherapy; 36 Systems - Robert Allen Harper
• Mastering the World of Psychology - Samuel E. Wood
• Sociology - Richard P. Appelbaum
• Anything is Possible: Humor and Wisdom for Success and Prosperity - Meiji Stewart
• Wisdom for Graduates - Alison Bing
• Visitation - Frank Peretti
• Exploring the Philosophy of Religion - David Stewart
• Divine Revelation of Hell - Mary K. Baxter
• Prey - Michael Crichton

Total so far: 283.  34 more than last time.  I deviated from the usual with some textbooks, religious fiction and nonfiction, and other nonfiction books in fields that interest me.  Even my fiction varied with some Nicholas Sparks and books turned movies.

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I.D.

Senior Year.  Graduating class of '05.  Let's look back on a few moments:

-Beaten up in 10th grade.  Scenario:  Walking to class with a girl friend.  Old flame decides to make snide comments and tries to force her to talk with him.  I saw she was uncomfortable so I stepped in.  No fighting, just talking.  She left as I distracted him.  As I was leaving his friend attacked me from behind.  I didn't fight back.  Outcome:  A bump on the head, a story that followed me until I graduated, and a school district that was afraid of my father.  The other guy...One hundred and eighty days kicked out of the school district and a lawsuit for aggravated assault.  Lesson:  Sometimes you have to stand up for someone, even if the opposition is stronger, larger, meaner, or more powerful then you are.  Looking back, I wish I had fought back.  However I didn't get hurt and no one else bothered me after that.  Although they did still mess with my friends.

-Cry in front of class, 10th grade.  Scenario:  Final Game day of class.  Picture Civilization meets Jeopardy meets Civil War times five high school classes.  It was the biggest thing in our school.  But more on that another time.  Anywho,  I embarrassed the teacher and declared war on him in front of the whole class.  A very dangerous move.  He has the most resources, largest army, and most power.  I was tempting fate.  He was able to 'kidnap' me and destroy my capital on the last turn.  As punishment I became his 'slave' and had to stand up in front of class and sing and do the motions for I'm a Little Teapot.  I have extreme stage fright.  After I finished I went to my desk and cried.  I was so embarrassed.  Outcome:  I was determined to not let myself get to that point again and overcome my stage fright.  I took public speaking, drama, creative writing, anything I could to get past it.  I still get nervous, but I have improved much since then.  That was a leading factor in me breaking out of my shell.  Lesson:  Sometimes your weakest moments end up creating your greatest strengths.

-Ask a girl out, 9th grade, 10th grade, 11th grade and 12th grade.  Scenario:  Every one ended...well, I wouldn't say badly.  Just not well.  One felt I was too young (she was a year older).  Another already had a boyfriend, and the next year a girlfriend.  And the last wouldn't date me because I wasn't Christian, even though we had much in common outside of our beliefs.  I actually didn't have my first girlfriend until I graduated, didn't get my first real kiss until a year later from a different girl.  Outcome:  I learned from each person and tried to improve myself according to what they were looking for.  It wasn't until the last few years did I realize I shouldn't have to change for someone else, nor should they have to change for me.  Lesson:  Don't change who you are just to please someone else, only change to please yourself.

This is all I can remember that had a definite impact, but I'm sure there is more.  More things that had an impact.  Every small thing, every day something could have started a change in me or helped guide me to who I am today.

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Life Lessons

• Silence is not always golden.  A kind word can change someone faster then silence.  I am a debt collector, and I get A LOT of angry people on the phones.  But every once in a while a kind soul comes on the line.  And its those people that cheer me up, that make my day.  Its those people I'll be more than happy to help and assist any way I can.  I may hate my job, and they may hate getting these calls, yet we end up having a nice conversation where both parties come out winners.
• The world is not black and white.  There are many shades of gray.  Sometimes you may have to do something that you feel is not right in order to get by.  A thief may steal to survive.  A man may have to kill to save a life.  A person may have to work at a morally ambiguous job to pay the bills.  But there is a point where you know what you are doing is wrong and you can change it.
• Trust your instincts.  Go with your gut.  Trust your conscience.  There may be a gray area, but that doesn't mean there isn't a right or wrong.  You know what is right and wrong and at what point you feel it is necessary to do something.
• Let people believe what they want to believe.  If you are religious, don't push your religion on other people.  That goes for suicide bombers, door-to-door evangelists, and preachers who pretend to have all the answers.  That goes double for those who berate opposing religious views and don't even follow their own beliefs or say someone is wrong and they are right simply because their Holy Book (Bible, Qur'an, Torah, Dianetics, etc) tells them so.
• Humans seem to be naturally rude, loud, nosy, angry, violent, aggresive, and mean.  I have yet to find the reason why that is.  And, again, it has nothing to do with their religion.  I've had priests threaten me, seen racist Christians, and known religious people to swear and yell at me.
• Cherish and learn from your past.  Keep mementos.  Treasure it.  Even if it is something you would rather not remember, it helped shape you as the person you are today.  And I said 'helped', not 'made'.  You are the only one who has the power to change yourself or make yourself.  No one else.  Remember that.
• Learn.  Every day.  Every day you have an opportunity to learn something new.  I learned I get a better shave with long, slow strokes of my razor than short, fast strokes.  And less nicks.  I also learn how to strategize and adjust every time I play a tactics or card battle game.  Just keep an open mind and two open eyes.
• This is only the beginning, there is more coming.

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Homework

Two assignments from high school.  Both A's.  Neither was good enough.  This is part of the reason I stopped trying to succeed.  I was berated if it wasn't perfect.  90 isn't good enough, 97 isn't good enough.  100 or nothing.  And heaven forbid I get a B or C.  I worked my ass off for these grades.  And for what?  A "you could do better."  I did enough to get by and did good in the classes I liked.  I never failed a class, just squeezed by with C's and D's.  Maybe I should have tried harder for myself.  But I knew what I was capable of.  I just didn't feel like applying myself.

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AAA

This is a certificate showing I passed a driver improvement program given at the base in Mississippi.  Pretty much you sit through a 8-hour class, take a test, and you supposedly get a discount on your insurance.  I slept through the class and don't drive.  I passed the test with an A.  The same year I received a letter for the Michigan Secretary of State telling me I get a discount on my driving because I had a spotless record.  I don't drive, have a license, or own a car.  I have a state ID.  So how is it I have two papers showing I should get a discount on my insurance when I don't even have a license?

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